THE HOWLETT FAM: April 2013

We can't have dogs or cats because of allergies so our 'girls', our 3 chickens Pin, Tracy, and Red are our pets. We've had them for 2 years. They let us pet them, pick them up, feed them from our hands, they follow us around when we're digging in the garden, take adorable dust baths, scratch and dig, and come sit on the top step of the back porch where Ella watches them. We came home from a great spring beak trip to find that our sweet Pinny, Talmage's big white chicken, our most friendly, had died.
She was acting a little slow before we left but I hoped she'd be fine as she had been like this a year ago and pulled through fine. They had food and water and had been cared for during the week. I walked in the backyard to check on them as soon as we got home and only saw the two and immediately feared the worst but prayed that I was wrong. I wasn't. Sweet Pin was laying peacefully on the ground in the run under the shade of the coop. She really did look peaceful and for that I am grateful. It would have been worse to have her had been attacked and see feathers all over. Sweet clean white feathery Pin, she looked perfect and I didn't expect to grieve as hard as I have but I have. I've cried every day since we found her.
We told the kids right after I found her, I didn't want them to find her unknowing. At first they looked sad but were quiet then Mckayla followed me outside and just cried over sweet Pin, stroking her feathers saying 'maybe we should have never gone', or 'I just wish it wasn't true, I wish she was still here'
We stayed out for a while before Talmage came out. Jer said he had been in his room crying. He was so upset. He knelt down by her and petted her also and said how she was his from the beginning, he chose her and named her. He said how much he would miss the good times with her, watching her and feeding her from his hand. Several times he cried saying that she was his from the beginning to the end. He was very curious why she died, and which of the chickens were next. I assured him Tracy and Red were acting fine and weren't sick.
I eventually found a box big enough for our big girl, lined it with white tissue paper and gently set her in. It bothered Mckayla a little to see me pick her up, limp, without any fight or squawk, reinforced her being dead. We kept petting her, my she was so soft, I guess that's a good thing about birds postmortem. We talked about where to bury her and agreed on the garden where they like to scratch but then the kids worried about us moving and asked if we could take her with us. Bless their hearts. We decided to bury her at my parents house on a large lot nearby, where many of my pets from growing up are buried, a pet cemetery of sorts. I want to have her here to mourn and 'visit' but that would make moving even harder, having to leave their pet here. They did ask we visit her once a week and Talmage asked for their house when my parents die :)
They wanted her to be in the box in the coop with the other girls one last night and it was hard explaining sepsis and why she couldn't. We kept her out in the garage in her box overnight before we could bury her due to a storm. That was almost healing, like a viewing. Sweet Talmage kept all of her but her head covered with a blanket and asked me to heat the garage. Sweet boy. He went out into the garage first thing in the morning without saying anything just to check on her. He did the same after school. He and Mckayla's grief was great that first night, they just cried and cried in the backyard for a couple hours and another hour in the living room till it was bed time. It was heartbreaking. The next day they still had emotion in their voices but didn't cry as much, just talked more about it. Talmage asked to carry her to the van when it was time to go to my parent's. It was good to lay her to rest but I can't say it was easy. It's morbid maybe but it was nice seeing her, petting her. She looked so peaceful. Not a mark on her. The idea of covering our dead with dirt is hard for me sometimes but I know it's natural. We certainly weren't going to just dispose of her. So we chose a nice spot under a lilac bush in my parents backyard. My dad and Jer helped dig the whole big enough for Pin's box. I couldn't bear just setting her in a hole and covering her with dirt and thought it would be hard for the kids too. It was hard filling it in but had to be done. Talmage was ok, not too emotional. Mckayla was sad. Katie has been a quiet observer through all this. I have taken it all harder than I thought. Talmage wanted a new chick until we buried Pin, and now he's not sure he wants to go through the pain again. Poor guy. We placed some flowers and a picture of Talm and I and Pinny and will make a neat stone we'll make as a headstone soon. This is a cycle of life, she was an animal not a person. It's a good time to teach. We've spoken a lot about the Atonement at their inquiries. All correct statements but its been rough. Life lessons are tough and I miss my sweet white Pinny chicken greeting me every morning at the back door.