Ella's birth story

Long post, lots of details ahead, you've been forewarned  :)

So Wednesday morning I woke up from a very uncomfortable night's sleep at 5am and had 4 or so good hours of close, regular, strong, this is it waves (I used Hypnobabies home study training with this pregnancy, that's their word for contractions to take any pain/negative connotations away, so anyway) and those petered out of course like had happened regularly over the last 3 weeks.  Not fun.  I was already scheduled to go see my midwife at 11:30am so we still went up, she checked me and stretched me to a good soft 3cm.  I didn't want to interfere, but I also knew we kind of wanted to see her here by Friday since I tend to grow big babies, so no point in avoiding the inevitable right?  They sent me on my way and assumed I'd probably be back late that night or the next day.   Waves picked back up strong on the way home and I started getting discouraged and a little nervous.  Some women have pain free births with Hypnobabies, but not all claim to and I worried all the study and training I'd done wouldn't help me in what was bound to be the hours/day to come.  Looking back though it was probably just because I laid down in bed through a wave trying to rest - the most uncomfortable position ever, in a bed!  I really think that's why many women think birth can't be done with an epidural, I in no way can be comfortable in bed, I have to be moving.   Rocking my hips side to side sitting on a yoga/birth ball and listening to my Hypnobabies CD's while saying "1" on the inhale, "Peace" on the exhale, then "2" on the next inhale, "Peace" next exhale and so on through every wave was what seemed to work for me.  I knew I'd probably only get to 15 so that was positive. Even though it was sooner than I thought I probably needed to be up there and waves weren't as close as I or the midwife would have liked them, I called and said we were going to head back up to the birth center after we got the kids from school.  I just felt safer there having hands to help me and not drive in transition like I did with Kaitlyn.  That was intense! 

Midwives checking on me after we arrived at the birth center

So we got up there at 4:30pm, they checked me again and asked if I wanted to know (as dilation can tell you very little sometimes, you could stall out at a certain number forever, or progress very quickly from little dilation).  I laughed and said "uh, if it's good news I guess".  I expected to be like 5-6 hopefully.  I was at 8cm!  And still handling everything, yay!  I remember looking over at Jer and being like "did you hear that?!"  I mean I could have gone on a bit longer like that, but it was nice knowing I wouldn't have to!  Good news indeed. 

Anyway, handled a few more waves out of the tub on the birth ball rocking my hips side to side and listening to my Hypnobabies scripts until the tub was full.  

Climbed in probably about 5pm and before long waves were really strong and I started "ahhh-ing" (to avoid panicking or crying) and asking for pressure on my back.  Again, before long I ended a wave with an involuntary grunt so figured we were close now (and thankfully the midwife said head was right there).  My water broke while in the tub and was interestingly a little painful, it may have been because it just dropped baby lower really quickly.  

Pushed for about 15 minutes, more controlled than I've been with the others I think, did well enough all 3 kids stayed in the room and watched, I didn't scare anyone this time :) Our sweet Ella Ann Howlett was born in the water February 15th 2012 at about 5:45pm, 21 inches, and a big ol healthy 9lbs 14oz.  

Yep, another big one! She was only an ounce and a half behind Talm, was 8 ounces bigger than Kaitlyn, and poor Mckayla, our runt at 8 pounds 3 ounces  ;)  It was funny because as I scooped her up from the water she just seemed so little to me, but I guess even close to 10lbs is small compared to a 3.5 year old, I really haven't been around babies at all since Kait.  We spent about 10-15 minutes in the water together waiting for the cord to stop pulsing, a very short cord and afterpains came on quick so I was pretty uncomfortable.  

Handed her off to Jer who held her skin to skin which was neat this time.  While I did not have a pain free birth with Hypnobabies, I really believe I dilated so quickly and relatively easily (it was still work to get through the waves, but I wasn't moaning and struggling) by staying relaxed and open and positive.  The mind is a powerful tool.  Keeping my confidence really helped me keep my cool.

The girls were excited of course and I guess Talm was a bit bummed for a while, he gave a 1 thumb up, 1 thumb down when Grandma Marla asked him what he thought. Poor guy, he was really wanting a brother, more than I realized.  But he's in love with her now and all is well. We told him he'll get all the father/son time now

We spent the next hours cuddling her in bed, the kids hovering over here and just loving her to pieces.  Grandma and Grandpa Allan and Grandma Marla were there and got to cuddle her and we spread the news to our sisters and other family.  We had her weighing and measuring done there in the bed like with Kait which we love about the birth center.  

Our parents headed home and we got little Ella dressed and ready to go home with plenty of little hands helping.  It was really neat to feel like such a family with Mckayla and Talmage and Kaitlyn all so involved with her and getting her home.  Mckayla held the video camera documenting us leaving the birth center and Talmage held it documenting us walking into the house and Kaitlyn sits next to her in the van so checked on her for us.

Our sweet Ella is here!  Our family is a family of 6 now!  The kids and I and Jer are in love and so thankful for her peaceful and safe arrival.  It was warm and peaceful, supported, calm and full of love.  I loved having the kids there.  Thanks to so many friends and family for their help and support and well wishes!

Photo memories from Ella's birth

So glad they were all there for her birth.  I'm proud to have stayed in control enough

It's a girl?!

9lbs 14 oz  Only 1.6oz behind her big brother

Love this picture.  Mckayla was and simply is just in awe of this baby,
always holding her hand

Even though he was hoping for a boy he sure loves little Ella!

My postpartum adventure story

I wanted to be sure this was a seperate post.  It was kind of scary and chaotic but it was my story after the birth, this isn't Ella's birth story.  I would hate for this incident to overshadow her wonderful peaceful birth.  But it was significant and I'm going to document it.

We got home about 10pm that night (birth centers are short stay) and settled in.  About 2:15am while sitting up with Ella I felt some gushing and thought "oh crap", got up to get to the bathroom and just soaked through everything.  Could have easily filled 3-4 super pads probably with the gushes and clots in bed and on the toilet.  Knew we'd have to go into the ER so called my mom to come take me.  Got changed and Jer was helping me to the living room as she was almost there when I started gushing again so we stopped in the hall bathroom.  Jer was looking for new underwear for me I believe when I was feeling really bad and called out to him.  Luckily he got in there before I fell off, but I was basically unconcious.  My mom was right around the corner so he apparently held me and called 911 then my mom got there and got me on to the floor.  I don't remember any of that few minutes.  Must have been out for a minute or two when I came to on the floor, went to the hospital in an ambulance and crashed again in the ER.  What a yucky feeling!  I wanted out more then than during any of the labor or delivery.  Blood pressure went down to 70/30 or so.  That really scared my mom.  Luckily they got me back fairly quickly, but I of course had to wait for the blood pressure to stabilize before they'd give me anything for pain and were of course taking several extra chemical measures to stop the bleeding which equals lots of extra cramping as well as mashing on my uterus.  I had a bizarre neck ache too.  Uhg, anyway, left the ER with a blood count of 27, but didn't have to have a transfusion and there was no retained placenta after the nice OB nurse's uterus mashing fest, but felt pretty darn crappy for the 4 hours or so we were there.  Baby Ella luckily did great there waiting so patiently for me.  Special thanks to my mom for being there.  She was at the ER first with Ella until Jer could get there.  She's a nurse practitioner so it was really comforting to have someone there to talk me through what was going on and calm me but hurry along my meds too  :)  She also spent the rest of the morning at our house so Jer and I could sleep.  Thanks Mom!  And thanks to our neighbor Nic for coming to help Jer give me a blessing in the middle of the night and to Jer's dad Wade for waiting at our house with the kids.

So I'm home, all is well, I'm just drained and a bit weak, but the bleeding has definitely slowed a ton so that's good.  I will have to take some nutritional/supplement measures to build my hematocrit and iron levels back up, but I'll be fine.  And hey I got narcotics out of the ER trip so hey that only helps the ol afterpains  

Yes that was scary.  It really has nothing to do with her birth, or where she was born, I left the birth center fine.  Hemorrhages like this just happen sometimes.  I'm grateful for the protection I had, fears of leaving my beautiful family crossed my mind once.  I am so grateful to be here with them. I don't want to dwell on that incident though, and I don't want it to define Ella's birth, I'm home and ok and Ella is so beautiful and loved!

Welcome baby GIRL!

More details to come later.  Everyone's in love and her labor was smooth and reasonable ;)

9lbs14oz, 21inches long, 5:45pm, born in the water.  Welcome Ella!

Still kickin...

growing, baking, not so patiently waiting.  Yeah, that about covers it.  We are 4 days overdue today.  Baby and I are both doing fine and it's not a health concern for either of us right now.  I'm still feeling pretty good physically which is a blessing.  Mentally I'm of course getting very tired of all the stop/start 8-12 hour episodes we've had.  It's just so hard to get excited and then let down when everything stops.  I know we're at a point now though where it really can't be that long, 10 days at most, and our midwife (and myself) would rather see baby here by Friday.  I won't be going to the hospital or anything (that wouldn't happen unless there was a complication or we go past 42 weeks), but we're hoping to get things started naturally with her help.  And don't worry, we've tried EVERY trick in the book on our own over these last weeks, save castor oil which yes I would use before pitocin, but yuck - diarhea and labor or diarhea and NO labor??  Not that desperate, yet.
Anyway, wore a shirt the other days that I remembered I wore with Kait pretty close to the end (not quite the same week though), do you notice a difference with this one?  Jer and I both think I'm biggest with this baby.

40weeks 2 days, baby #4



39 weeks with Kaitlyn. 
I do look pretty out there, but the shirt comes to my pants in other pics with this one I saw, does not with this baby

39 weeks with Talm. 

Don't remember because it isn't dated, but this is probably 40-41 weeks with Mckayla

Mixed feelings

Oh boy what a roller coaster this last 3 weeks or so has been.  First I go into labor while Jer is out of town and I'm 5 days too early to use the birth center.  Got that calmed down.  Then last Monday I go into labor again...for 8 hours...rush the family to pack their birth bags, send the kids to bed so I'm not a watched pot, and it all stops.  Now here we are due in 5 days and while I thankfully still feel really pretty good physically except rolling this 20lb ball in front of me over in bed, I'm an emotional mess.  It's probably just the stirring hormones prepping for labor and a new baby, but man, I don't usually cry like I can these days.

Yes sometimes I'm that whiny "when is it my turn?!?" pregnant lady, but then I freak out because the house doesn't feel clean enough, or I feel like my dear husband doesn't have a woman's mind to think of sweet things he could do for me now or post baby (which admittedly isn't even here yet).

But the feeling I've found interesting and frustrating at times is the urgency to get this baby here.  No I haven't started induction methods besides eating a bit of salsa and sex (yes I said it, gasp!), but just really wanting this baby to get here.  We are all so excited to meet this baby!!  I'm excited to finally go into and stay in labor and realize the day is finally here.  So excited to see whether it's a boy or girl, so excited to hold it and dress it and cradle it's sweet little head in my hand.  I am so excited to let the kids hold this sweet baby (and choking up as I type that, they are so sweet about this baby).
But then part of me gets sad.  Sad that I'm so anxious to get this pregnancy over with when it could very well be my very last time being pregnant.  My last time to grow this cute but now awkwardly out there belly, to hear the nice and sometimes awkward comments, to feel the baby move in side of me, to have little hands on my belly wanting to feel it, to just have the kids so excited and involved in this pregnancy.  It's really been like a first pregnancy for me in that regard, I just don't remember even Mckayla like this, the way even Kate is with this baby and I've loved it!  I get anxious that things won't be the same for my 3 and me.  We can go anywhere and everywhere.  I don't have to hold anyone, bring anything, they're all so smart and imaginative and independent and I love doing so much with them.  Yes I'll be able to do it with the baby, it will just be different for a while.  

Am I uncomfortable?  Yes.  Can I imagine going through the anguish that 1st trimesters are for us, me in particular?  I'd like to never repeat that part.  They are constant worry and fear and anxiety because of our 5 miscarriage history.  I hate it.  Can I imagine wanting to go through this LONG last month again?  Not really.  But I also can't imagine never doing all of this again.  I'm not even 30!  Sure it's been hard and of course I do it for the love of my sweet children and feel blessed to be able to.  And I imagine 4 kids will be lovely and plenty for us.  I just don't feel done done and can't imagine never doing this again.

Oh what a basket of emotions I am.  I imagine I'll still mourn the loss of this pregnancy journey once little one comes and grows for the first few years, but I'm hoping most of these crazy feelings will just vanish once we meet this sweet little baby and life goes on as if we'd always had him or her - like it has with every sweet spirit we've welcomed.