Darn it...

why can't a positive pregnancy test just mean a baby in 9 months?

 Yeah, we're dealing with yet another miscariage. #5.  This one early, about 6-7 weeks, and I halfway expected it for some reason over the last few weeks, even taking 4 tests just to confirm that I was indeed pregnant (all 4 positive too, Jer thinks I'm silly, I know).  So I'm not that sad/weepy right now, this isn't nearly as emotional as December was, just more frustrated than anything.  Frustrated at our future.  If we're really supposed to have a 4th kid, how long do I have to go through this drama and rollercoater that getting and staying pregnant has been?  Is this going to be another year with 3 miscarriages involved like it was before we finally got pregnant with Talmage?  Do I still have to endure one or maybe more before we get a sticky baby?  Now admittedly, we've been fortunate to be able to 'get' pregnant without too much trouble, it's just getting them to stick that's the problem.  Sometimes I wonder if trouble getting pregnant would be easier if it meant when and if you do get a positive test, you will get a baby to hold out of it.  But I'm not going to play those games, everyone has hard trials in life and I'm not about to put mine against anyone elses, there's no point.  We just all suffer and we all support eachother in whatever.  But it is hard to know how long I can take this journey. Sure we could just call it good with our 3 wonderful kids, we've considered it a lot, I just don't know yet how to deal with the sadness being done would be when I don't feel done.